Written by: CR - Mary in Celebrate Recovery, Local Sites, Longwood on January 20, 2012

I was recently sorting through a pile of papers (something I SHOULD do MUCH more often), when I came across a piece of paper from about a year ago listing, in tremendous detail, exactly what I needed to do for the day. This was a tactic I used at the beginning of my recovery or during times of potential relapse so I would not have the time to engage in my addiction. I looked at it with nostalgia as I realized I had no need for it any longer. I could throw this away but I badly wanted to hang on to it.

Change of any kind is hard, even positive change. Throwing away this piece of paper signified my progression through that stage of recovery. I began to feel afraid of what might come next as I remembered the arduous task each day presented during my early stages of sobriety. My past struggles seem easy compared to today’s struggle. I cannot imagine ever viewing today’s difficulties as insignificant or simple.

My recovery takes as much or more effort as it did before but there are marked differences. The thoughts I struggle with and the tools I use day to day evolve as I reach new layers in my healing. I find it similar to the development of a child. During infancy, babies struggle to get basic needs met of warmth, nourishment and comfort. As a child grows they reach toddler years, where important developmental tasks are conquered such as walking and talking. The bible addresses this as well:

“Now everyone who lives on milk is inexperienced with the message about righteousness, because he is an infant. But solid food is for the mature – for those whose senses have been trained to distinguish between good and evil.” - Hebrews 5:13-14

We all need different tools, support and nurturing during phases of our recovery. Fortunately (or unfortunately) recovery is not always linear so I may need this tool again someday. I placed it in the back of my imaginary toolbox of recovery tools, ready to call on it if needed. I continue to move through layers of hurts, habits and hang ups while remembering God’s promise as stated in the second recovery principle of Celebrate Recovery.

Earnestly believe that God exists, that I matter to Him, and that He has the power to help me recover.

“Happy are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” – Matthew 5:4