Written by: Lee in Celebrate Recovery, Distributed Journeys, Scotland, Local Sites, Longwood on June 17, 2011

What’s Your Drug of Choice? ........What Have You Got?

Having just celebrated my 5th anniversary of freedom from the grip of illegal narcotics, I usually introduce myself as a recovered heroin addict. I was addicted to heroin, but the truth is that any drug would have done provided there was enough to get me to the point I wanted to be; obliviated.

When I first came into recovery, I thought drugs were my problem and so did everybody I knew. When I finally reached my “bottom” I came to a 12 step meeting to find a solution to my “drug Problem”. Once I got a sponsor and started working the steps, suddenly our talks were not about the drugs I did, but about my character defects. I was like an actor who wanted to be the director. I was sure that if everybody would just go along with my way of thinking that we would all be happy. Of course, the drugs helped me to deal with the frustration of not getting “my way”.

I was trying to play God and it wasn’t working.

My life was unmanageable and it was entirely my fault. So…I fired the old manager (me) and responded to God’s request to manage my life for me.

The 12 steps help me to live the life God created me to live through a process of rigorous self-examination and seeking Him first in EVERYTHING.

The result is that I just do what He puts in front of me and He does the rest. Today my life is now His. Happiness and contentment have prevailed.

So…you see…the problem was me and my extreme selfishness.

Now that my “self” is being replaced by His Holy Spirit, life is indescribably wonderful. I used to pray for God to show up or for the Holy Spirit to fill me; thinking that God was “out there” somewhere.

The truth is that the difference between me and God was not distance, but in similarity.

The 12 steps help me to see how big that similarity gap is, allow me to keep “my side of the street” clean and to help others.

By the way, God is the greatest boss I have ever had and He loves me perfectly.