Written by: CR - Mary in Celebrate Recovery, Local Sites, Longwood on February 10, 2012

I am learning that sometimes 'recovery' is much harder than addiction. The first week into my stay at a treatment center, years ago, someone tried to console me with the words, "If you don't feel worse than you did when you got here; it's not working." I looked at that person with horror as I thought, "I REALLY have entered an insane asylum. Didn't I come here to get better?!"

Strong emotions do not mean failure or relapse. My emotional struggles continue this week to the point of physical exhaustion and health concern. I find it fascinating (even though unfortunate) that our bodies tell us what we need if we listen to them. Rest.... this week I need rest, as I am sorting through heavy emotions. It is important for me to stay balanced in proper self-care, recovery activities, and fun. I am confident this IS recovery but sometimes recovery gets "messy." I am not turning to my addiction for escape or numbing. I am no longer under the influence of my addiction.

I have found myself calling out to God to "HELP ME!" again and again this week. I know I need help. I cannot, nor have I ever been able to, "fix" myself. God did not create us to live alone but gave us people for support.

The LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make
a helper suitable for him.” - Genesis 2:18

And God, Himself said he would never leave us.

... the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you
or forsake you. - Deuteronomy 31:6

Why wouldn't I follow God's guide? Why wouldn't I listen to His plan? Why wouldn't I trust Him?

It is because I cannot always hear His voice. Many times I listen to the addiction. My addiction is cunning and cruel. It tricks me into believing what it says. It is during these times I realize the need to get help from the support of people who deal with similar issues and pray to for God's guidance.

Principle 1 Prayer
(From Celebrate Recovery's Participant Guide)

Dear God, Your Word tells me that I can't heal my hurts, hang-ups and habits by just saying that they are not there. Help me! Parts of my life, or all of my life are out of control. I now know that I cannot "fix" myself. It seems the harder that I try to do the right thing the more I struggle. Lord, I want to step out of my denial into the truth. I pray for You to show me the way. In Your Son's name I pray, Amen.

Join me to Celebrate Recovery every Friday night at Northland at 7pm.