Written by: CR - Mary in Celebrate Recovery, Local Sites, Longwood, Ministries on January 26, 2012

POWERLESS

In the hardest times of my life, when there seems to be no hope, no future, no joy, and no light; God is there. I usually cannot see Him. Unfortunately, it is not until later when I realize He never left my side.

Celebrate Recovery's second lesson of the year focuses on the fact that I am POWERLESS. I have learned this lesson all too well this week. The plans I made failed, the people I trusted abandoned me and my heart broke from the reality of this world. I had no control over what happened TO ME this week but I am hoping God will do something IN ME from this week.

I continue to struggle, remembering the nights I have cried myself to sleep and the following mornings when tears stained my face all the way down to my chest. I wonder if the Psalmist knew me when he wrote, "I am worn out with pain; every night my pillow is wet with tears."

In times like this, I gather strange comfort from the words of Job. I am strengthened knowing I am not alone. Other people have felt deep pain like I do; even people from the bible.

"My good days are in the past. My hopes have disappeared.
My heart's desires are broken." - Job 17:11

"My heart is troubled and restless.
Waves of affliction have come upon me." - Job 30:27

Job was brutally honest. I appreciate honesty. I HONESTLY hurt today. I desperately want life to be fair but God never promised fairness. Recovery is not the easy road. For me, Recovery means choosing to do the uncomfortable until it becomes comfortable. It is a conscious decision to face reality and keep moving forward.

"You cannot heal a wound by saying it is not there!" - Jeremiah 6:14

As we start coming out of DENIAL (the first lesson of the year) things start to feel real and many of the things we have been denying will hurt. Avoiding the hurt only makes it worse. A cut that goes untreated will get infected. The trials of my week are emotional cuts if I do not treat will infect my spirit. I do not know God's plan (and sometimes I still wonder if He cares) but today I chose to follow God's plan for my life rather than take the path of least resistance. My addiction is not the answer to feeling powerless. My addiction does not give me power; it takes it away. I will trust in Elohim, "God of Power" (Genesis 17:7-8) knowing "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13).